#i tend to get tired of the same songs and my taste is all over the place so i dont have solid favorites all the time lol

[puppyeared]

top 3 music reccommendations go

Hakugin/Snow by EVE

Somebody's Baby (Sidney Gish cover)

The Knack by Mother Mother

[purgemarchlockdown]

What Animal Can Tell Us About Amane: The Purge March Remaster.

(CWs: Cults, Child Abuse) (Note: This is sort of a sequel to this post, you don't need to read it to understand this though as I reiterate and expand on the points I make there due to the new information Purge March provided.)

Purge March is out now and has added and recontextualized a lot of elements in Magic and Amane Momose's story as a whole! So let's talk about it in relation to Amane's cover of Animal!

Cats

As I said in my original post, Animal has a very consistent cat motif. It's present in both the original illustration and the lyrics itself.

When it comes to Cats they tend to be viewed as signs of good luck and protection in Japan. They're also well known as cute, if not a bit lazy, aloof, and mischievous, housepets. Cats are, generally speaking, very well-loved animals

This is not the cat Animal talks about. The cat in animal is wild. A cat so deprived of love that it will do anything to get a taste of it. However it's wild nature and unwillingness to hold back make it lose out of the love it so desperately craves due to the "danger" it presents.

Now, Animal is a very suggestive song, but I'd argue that's actually to it's benefit if were viewing it in context with Amane's story for reasons I'll get to later.

For know, let's talk about the cat that Amane is known for.

Unlike what most of us expected, the Cat in Magic IS an actual cat, and I wanna draw some attention to how Amane gets paralleled with it.

Now Magic is it's own wild animal even before Purge March so we won't talk in great detail about these parallels, however it is important to note that in Purge March, the cat has a collar.

Not only that but its sitting with a bunch of junk, old furniture, tires, and something that looks like a TV, another notable motif in Magic.

This cat was someone's pet, something that was supposed to be taken care of, and yet was abandoned. This cat is ultimately implied to have been killed because someone else took care of it. Since the mere idea of it being shown love and affection was apparently so bad for these people.

Not only that but the injuries shown on the cat in Magic are not the cat's injuries, there Amane's.

Here's the injuries of the Cat in Magic, as you might of noticed the Cat in Purge March has a scratch on it's leg and is breathing well.

Amane is the one with bruises on her face and was shown hyperventilating due to being waterboarded.

It's both a very literal cat and a metaphor, Amane is portraying herself through the cat in Magic. While also downplaying her actually pain in Magic.

But we'll get to that in a bit.

All this to say, Animal's cat motif fits very well into Amane's prestablished parallels with them.

Which means we can move onto:

Vulgarity

The 2nd rule of her cult is this:

’Tis ordained, thou shall discard vulgarity

It's the rule we see Amane mess up at the start, and is the only flag not shown flying in the anticipatory shots.

Now the rule is pretty vague as we don't know what exactly is defined as vulgar, and that might be the point.

Amane, over the course of Milgram, has insisted, very hard, that she does not like frivolous things. That she is a very good girl who is strong in the face of temptations.

However a lot of things hint otherwise, for example a recurring line in Magic is her asking if it's alright to spoil herself.

Dear wise one, Am I worthy? Is it ok to spoil myself?

In the same song she asks if it's okay to be "weak" the weakness most likely being this Want for "vulgarity" (and also escaping pain but we will get to that in a moment.)

Dear wise one, Is this ok? Is it ok to be weak sometimes?

We also have her T1 Interrogation questions, where for Q5 someone asked about Amusement parks.

Q: When you go to an amusement park, what do you like to ride? A: That is a place I should not go to.

Not, "I haven't been to" or "I don't want to" but "I should not" implying a rule.

In same Interrogation we also get Q3 and Q17 which add even more information:

Q3:

Q: If you were allowed to do anything, what would you want to do? A: Nothing really. I am not lacking anything.

Q:17

Q: What would you do if the world ends tomorrow? If everything ends? A: Then, I might do all sorts of things I have never done before.

These seem contradictory at first, but it seems like the condition of the world ending that changes her answer. If the world is ending then the theoretical consequences of her actions aren't as severe. While Q3 doesn't state an ending, meaning that there is Always a risk of Punishment.

This is also very complementary with Q12

Q: What is the meaning of life? A: I think it is something you learn for the first time when you look behind yourself when it ends. I do not want to have regrets then, so I live on with all my might.

Amane doesn't Want to regret anything, so it make sense if she knows everything is going to end she'll do Everything She Wants.

We already know that she wants to eat cake due to this timeline interaction.

21/06/27

Shidou: Amane, I heard it was your birthday today. I asked Es-kun if we could get this cake to give to you…… Amane: I don’t need it. I’ll gratefully accept your well-wishes, but I don’t eat things like that. Also…… Shidou-san, I can’t say I’m especially fond of the way you assume that all children will love frivolous things like this. Shidou: ………… Is that so… I apologise. I’m sure everyone else will be happy to eat it, so don’t worry about it. Sorry for intruding. Amane: ………… ……cake……

Timeline also gives us Amane wanting to pet Jackalope but pretending she doesn't. Which might be because of this and also might be because of what happened to the cat.

But we also have Purge Marge and Magic's visual presentation, which put Amane in cute and pretty costumes with fun props.

Magic especially is very indulgent. With Amane getting a really cute Magical Girl-esqe outfit in it and it being presented like a low-budget kids TV program.

Also, the TV found with the Cat in Purge March is possibly the same TV Amane was using at the end of it since Magic is full of Very Literal Metaphors. It's possible it was thrown out because of this presumed "vulgarity."

I could list examples for days but let's go back to Animal, as these concepts of vulgarity and acceptability is what makes Animal's suggestiveness an asset to it's storytelling. Animal Is a Vulgar Song, undeniably so.

The mask comes off and the beast comes out, I do it wild even if it’s ugly

It's the exact kind of song Amane would never in a million years be allowed to listen to! It might even be touted as an example of the sinfulness of the world, and that's why it works!

Amane is not a good girl, she admits it herself in Magic. She's someone who wants cute outfits and nice food and love and happiness and a bunch of other things as is Denied Them because Wanting in the first place is considered a sin.

Sin and Virtue

Sin and Virtue are a big part of Amane's story.

What is Virtuous?

What is not?

And what can be presented as sinful so you have an excuse to hurt someone?

As a song, Animal also toys with these concepts.

You want me to bite you? Accelerating beat, let’s do both the good and bad

What is acceptable and what is not? The character singing talks a lot about how disobedient they are and how that's undesirable.

The mask comes off and the beast comes out, I do it wild even if it’s ugly I can’t do sit, I can’t even do stay, purr until I go

As said previously, Amane Momose is not a good girl. At least not by the standards of her cult. She is simply too sinful, she is not close enough to god. In a world that wants her to be a dog, she is a cat. She is a horrible sinful person in a righteous world.

She is a bad, bad girl who wants so many sinful things who also wants desperately to be good so she can be cherished and loved and Not Abused.

Even I can say "I'm sorry" Even I have hope I swear! I'm going to be a good girl now! That's it!

She's Treated as someone who is undesirable, treated as someone who is sinful. And as much as she Tries she's unable to change that.

After you cry, repent, and kneel, it’s now your turn to say that hopeless “I’m sorry”

Amane also cares A Lot about having a righteous reason to do things. Why wouldn't she if she's been treated as sinful for her entire life? She needs that approval from god, from her cult, from her parents because if not that means she's evil and sinful and something that should be punished.

She doesn't even call herself a good girl in Magic! She just says she can only become better.

I take an oath! I can only become a better girl!

Amane eliminated her mom because her mom wasn't able to reach her own standards and taught Amane that the appropriate reaction to that was violent punishment.

But she still wants her dad's approval.

Q12:

Q: Who do you want to meet right now? A: My father. I want him to praise me for working hard.

Amane really, really, wants to be saved from her own sinful, horrible self. Because, if you were raised to believe that you or your actions were sinful, having that behavior "corrected," thus "saving your soul." could be considered...love.

Amane's T2 Voice Drama:

Amane: I’m happy that I was born to my parents! It was a bit difficult, and it could feel restrictive sometimes, but I’m really happy that I could grow up on such beautiful teachings! I want to live this way!

The Conflation of Pain and Love.

One of my favorite lines in Animal is this one:

If I could even love pain, I would be so happy

The song gestures towards dissatisfaction and lack of love and care multiple times but it gets stated directly here. If only the singer could love pain, if only they could be okay with a low standard of love, maybe they could actually feel happy and fulfilled.

Let’s get lost in each other, plunge into the gate, high expectations of love is not allowed ---------------------- But it’s not scary at all, because it’s love I can really think it’s great. See isn’t it a great thing?

However, as said above, the concepts of sin and weakness and greed are also conflated with wanting and happiness.

If you can be a little greedy, I want to be happy ----------------------- Dear wise one, Is this ok? Is it ok to be weak sometimes?

We can draw the a connection here, wanting good things for yourself is showcasing greed, wanting to be happy is weakness. This is something that makes sense as her cult is stated to consider pain and suffering trails.

Amane: Both pain and illness are trials. According to our teachings, those who run from them are the worst evil there is. That’s one of the four great principles. No matter who you are, that cannot be forgiven.

This explains so much about Amane's worldview. This is why she keeps on asking if it's okay to be weak, if it's okay to spoil herself in Magic. She is constantly going through these "trials," and she can't get away since running away from them is considered a horrific evil.

Her attempts at self-comfort and coping are considered as a weakness, your supposed to just suck it up and deal with it. Having coping mechanisms to horrific inhuman situations is bad actually because it means your running away from god, apparently.

You could easily imagine a situation where Amane is punished for killing her mom, not because it's murder, but because she "escaped" from her trial of punishment and is thus "evil."

(I talk about this in relation of Amane's idealization of the Milgram system here if you want to check that out.)

Pain is Amane's Way to God, it's Amane's way to Salvation, a glimmer of hope for her horrible sinful self.

Even I can say "I'm sorry" Even I have hope I swear! I'm going to be a good girl now! That's it!

Pain is love, pain is their way of "fixing" Amane, pain is their way of "cleansing" Amane.

Except, as stated previously, it doesn't work, it never will! Amane can't be cleansed, can't be purified, no matter how much she tries to be a good girl she'll ultimately fall short.

Only if, only if, only if I could be a good girl I hope, I hope everyone can be happy and smile Forever, forever together would be a dream

Because as much as you can train a wild animal to be a pet, you cannot train a cat to be a dog.

Inability to Change

Amane is unable to change, not in the sense of unable to improve. Amane definitely can, cult survivors aren't unheard of.

Amane, is however, unable to change who She is.

Because, who can really? I'm autistic and masking even just a bit makes me feel physically weak after an hour or so. I doubt the 12 year old who wants happiness can pretend she's satisfied forever.

Amane is a person, she can't change that about herself, she just can't. The original sins of humankind sits inside her body festering like a disease. Amane is wrong for wanting close and stable connections. Amane is wrong for wanting to help someone. Amane is wrong for wanting things that would make her happy.

Amane is wrong because she's Amane Momose and she was always going to be wrong no matter what she did.

She can try her best to be the perfect animal, one able to follow every rule and command with perfect accuracy. One able to lobotomize themselves and strip away everything they made them, them.

But she can never change the fact that she's a cat in a world that wants her to be dog.

Layers of makeup, the perfect animal, I'm waiting with my eyes wide open I can’t do sit, I can’t even do stay, purr until I go Show your fangs and howl, are you ready? on the count of three let's say "ZUKKYUUUUN♡", once I bite I don’t let go Layers of makeup, the perfect animal, I'm waiting with my eyes wide open

[thenwethrowitonthefire]

Fandom people you want to get to know better

Tagged by @harriet-bailes

3 Ships you like: Marith, Raeda, Catbirds (Laura/Shelley). (Bonus mention of Crowley/Aziraphale because I can't not mention them, but I think literally everyone already knew.)

First ship ever: believe it or not, but my having-identified-as-aroace-for-a-long-time-and-only-recently-realised-sapphic ass feels like they don't ship very much, I tend to just follow what I'm presented with and either like or dislike that, but I generally don't necessarily Will It one way or another. So going with the kind of definition of shipping where I myself wanted things in canon to go a certain way? Huntara/Perfuma. (I also love where canon ended up though!) The only other time I actively shipped was Laura/Shelley. (However if the definition of ship here is the first pairing I actively liked, the answer here would have been Neo/Trinity.)

Last song you heard: Benjamin Clementine - Ode From Joyce

Favourite childhood book: Tim de Merel. (The title means Tim the blackbird.) I've never been much of a reader and I don't think I necessarily grasped the full context of the book as a child, but it's basically a blackbird who leaves his nest/garden and has adventures all over the world. (I only recently realised the book is him writing letters to his parents about his adventures, even though the cover of the book is literally made to look like a postcard I feel like I missed that fact back then (I really was quite young when I read it). But it makes sense that that's why stories in the book were segmented the way they were. It worked perfectly for my audhd brain though.) I really liked the fact that the animals in the book were not made to be too human, they very much were still fully animal. I liked animals so much better than people (I didn't like people at all truth be told), which explains why it was one of the very few books I liked. (Another book I liked was about a really small human girl who had adventures in the animal world, I didn't necessarily like her, but I really liked the animals. It had great pictures, too.)

Currently reading: as I said, I don't really read. But a very nice book that's been laying next to my bed the last 2 years is Braiding Sweetgrass, which was a gift from a good friend. I've read a little bit of it, eventually I'll read more if it. I'm sure it's really good :) (Talking fanfic, I'm reading Seasons of Lilith - the story that follows after Answers For Mary. At the moment I'm also slow with reading fanfic though.)

Currently watching: nothing really, though I generally do tend to watch a lot of things. I'm a bit in-between things with so many shows having been cancelled. I just finished a rewatch of Sense8 though. I love it and it's extremely beautiful, but it's also rather more violence filled than where my current taste is at.

Currently consuming: warmth. (It's 9:30pm and I'm cold and tired. I had enough to eat with supper, so I'm enjoying some blankets now.)

Currently craving: peace, rest. Both personally and globally. (In daytime it'll be the same answer with the addition of candy, I've really been enjoying candy recently. I think my brain has been needing extra sugar.)

NO PRESSURE TAGS: @nobodyorlando @impromptugarrote @jyou-no-sonoko19 @tokyoterri2 @hydr0phius @confessions-of-ailu (< I still owe you a reply from my main blog - I'm so sorry it's taking me so long!)

Anyone else who wants to do this one, consider yourselves tagged by me! (Apologies if I tagged you and you've already done this.)

[bite-sized-devil]

Hello! Congrats on 500 followers (I've only just found your blog aha, but congrats either way ^^)

If possible I'd like to request a matchup hehe~ I'm average height I think (5'3), I have a real gothic style (black and dark colours are my thing. Rather casual but I'll sometimes go with makeup if I'm going out, tho that's usually more reserved for when I'm cosplaying). My hobbies would be writing, listening to music and playing games mainly (unless sleeping is considered a hobby too? I do that a lot. Low energy levels especially as of recently for some reason). My favourite writing genres are usually very dark and horror themes along with angst (though I do sometimes write fluff too), my music taste is mainly obey me and enstars songs with some other stuff mixed in like alternative or dance pop. I mainly play gacha games and rhythm games too aha. As mentioned before another of my hobbies would be cosplay, though I don't really now do it unless I'm going to a con with my friend. My star sign if relevant is Sagittarius btw. My most prominent sin is Envy (tho Gluttony and Sloth do represent me well, Envy is the best). I'm very quiet and shy/awkward but I do tend to talk for hours the second I'm able to talk abt my hyperfixations aha. Also got a terrible habit of staying up late playing games or whatever and then wondering why I'm always so tired lol

My Obey Me f/os are Belphie, Levi, Asmo & Beel btw ^^

(not sure if most of that info was necessary but hopefully that's enough, I can't really think of anything else to describe myself aha)

As for the hcs/short fic, I'm not into nsfw so sfw for that please.

Thank you in advance! :)

🌻 500 followers Bite Sized Event 🌻

No warning needed just sfw fluffy fluff 💕

Match Up: Leviathan, Third Born, Avatar of Envy

I'm matching you with Levi! I feel like he'd either be your perfect other half or the bane of your existence. Heaven forbid you have opposing views on games or anime. You'll be fighting for days! You like a gothic style? Cool ya boys got purple hair, he can dig that! Your low energy levels won't be a problem, you guys can game in his bath tub. 💕

Head canons for the two of you:

Levi asked you out pretty much the week after you received his pact mark. The two of you had being hanging out every chance you got. After RAD, before RAD, over the weekends. You were inseparable! It was sickening to watch or be near. You were getting so close you were finishing each others sentences, and even in public.. LIKE A BUNCH OF NORMIES! Naturally that freaked Levi out when Asmo was teasing him about it but then he realised he didn't care. He wanted to be more than just a friend.

You often fall asleep in his bathtub with your head on his chest and one of his arms wrapped around you.

All nighters are very common! Gaming is on, if you were only a filthy casual before you aren't anymore.

The arguments the two of you have over which anime or game is better are massive but hilarious. It's petty bullshit and you both know it so it's never to serious.

He talks about you to his streamers so often. Like the boy is obsessed! His followers never complain though, they think you're super cute.

Your both quite jealous by nature, which came be catastrophic. Look out anyone who flirts with you, lotan is being summoned. Same goes for anyone that flirts with him, consider them cursed, hexed, d.e.a.d.

Can we just talk about how cute you'd both look doing couples cosplay? Can you imagine the possibilities!? Natsu and Lucy, Sakura and Sasuke (personally I'm more Naruto and Sasuke but whatever), Edward & Winry, Kirito and Asuna, Sophie and Howl, peanut & butter. Really the list is endless.

Pillow forts that take up Levi's entire room. Belphie helped you set them up and then promptly left when you guys started making out underneath it. STOP BEING GROSSLY CUTE YOU TOO! The brothers have started a chat without the both of you so they can complain whenever they see you guys kissing or being all lovey dovey in front of them.

Hope you liked this match up lovely! 💕 I'll work on your sfw Levi fic now that I've finished this match up! If you prefer a different brother for the fic just let me know, or if you've changed your mind and you want to give me an idea that's cool too, I'm easy, breezy, beautiful 😂☺️😘

[ravynfyre]

“Sleep that knits up the raveled sleave of care, The death of each day's life, sore labor's bath, Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course, Chief nourisher in life's feast.”

so, like, i am well aware that this is Not A Good Thing. but, true to the crux of the matter, i find that i am apathetic at best that i find no joy in much of anything right now. retail therapy is fun, but it's a crutch, and a pretty bad one at that... but everything else is very... meh. i'm not sleeping well. i'm on day... 10? 11? 15? of not being able to sleep until at least 3am or later, and it feels like each day it gets a little later than the day before. except for tonight, when it just completely went tits up and it's now 7am, with only about 45 minutes of sleep at 1am under my belt. (the first time in weeks that i crashed as soon as i went down... and it didn't even last an hour) when i try to sleep, i'm cold. i'm hot. i'm cold AND hot at the same fucking time. everything hurts, but it hurts in a way that seems... not significant enough to bother taking the advil and tylenol that are pretty much my only recourse for any levels of pain, due to being allergic to all but the most powerful narcotic analgesics, which no sane doctor would prescribe to me for my (life-altering but still somehow) "minor issues". reading fic is meh. writing fic is meh. drawing is meh. work is extra meh. youtube is meh. walking the pasture is meh. exercise is meh. even eating is meh, and i tend to self-medicate with carbs so that's especially concerning. except i don't care. the taste of water makes me feel sick, like a cannonball just wallowing in my gut. the only thing that does taste good, that quenches at all, is my one-mt.-dew-a-day, which i am cheating and having early in the hopes that the dose of caffeine will either spin me down enough to sleep, or spin me up enough to not feel so fucking exhausted. doesn't seem to be doing either just yet. i cuddle my dogs, which helps, but it's just... not enough, and even that becomes meh. not the dogs. i love my dogs. but the... activity, and the doggy expectation, and the way they worry for me. it feels like i'm failing somehow, and that makes even that failsafe meh. i am tired of getting snatches and snippets of songs stuck in my head so hard that i literally cannot get my brain to stop playing the same few bars over and over and over long enough for me to pass the fuck out. i just need some sleep, but i am so fucking tired of sleeping in until noon because i didn't manage to get TO sleep until, like, 4 am or later, and when i do sleep, waking up and just... not wanting to get up. not wanting to BE up. when i DO sleep, most of my dreams are nightmares, with the occasional night terror thrown in for shits and giggles. if it's not one of those, it's something so fucking random and weird that i find myself desperately trying to cling to sleep to finish the story out, because it's *interesting* in a way that nothing else has been for a while. there is so much work that needs to be done around my house and my farm, but i just don't have the energy or the give-a-shit to do it. i'm doing what needs to be done to keep everything else alive... but i... i just want to stop.

and i'd really like to get some sleep.

[crownedspectre]

SO Mortis has gone on record multiple times saying this game does not have any one meaning...I know one popular fan theory is that Hugo is very ill and the switch is meant to signify the choice to be taken off of life support and accept death.

To be quite honest, I've never truly cared for this reading of the game and ones similar to it. Not to say they are bad by any means!! I just find the explanations given to be too literal for my tastes, it ignores the significance of the player within the story, and what would Judge's choice mean in that instance? If you are terminally ill, you can not choose to simply not die. You can choose to endure suffering sure but...The Judge is shown to be a sympathetic character, while the Batter is firmly framed as an antagonist in the latter half of the story. I don't think the choice to be taken off life support when you're chronically ill is bad or evil. If anything The Judge's choice seems crueler to me with that reading in mind! My interpretation of the game is within the same spirit, but the stakes are a little less dire than death. To me, this game is about escapism. Toxic escapism...and the choice to either give up and retreat inward or stay present even when it feels like "nothing is left". I have a few key points to support this reading.

1. “Vincit Qui Se Vincit” 

This is what Zacharie says right before you fight The Queen. The full saying translates to “He who prevails over himself is twice victorious” It means that “a person who overcomes his weaknesses or failings, who is able to control his emotions and actions, wins life's most important battle.” I think Zacharie is talking to You here, the player. He is urging you to look inward…to question what Batter represents to you. Thus far, even though you and the Batter have moved as one, there has always been a disconnect due to your limited scope as a being outside the realm of the game, and it’s only grown as you’ve progressed. I am no longer a God, but a passenger at the whims of a narrative, one that has begun to sicken me. This now feels more like Batter's mission than mine, and Zacharie foreshadows that the only way to truly win is to get a handle on this rogue part of ourselves. (This will make more sense when I explain what I feel The Batter is meant to represent, but keep it in mind for now.)

  2. Sucre's Dialogue 

The short conversation before you fight Sucre is really illuminating to me. The first line especially.

"Ignoring why things are so frightening" is the entire purpose of an escapist fantasy. The goal is to endure a painful reality as little as possible. In fact, this has been a theme throughout the entire game, particularly prevalent among the elsen who are more than once seen avoiding aspects of their reality that cause them to feel what they consider to be, unpleasant emotions. (Death in this world is also synonymous with an escape from pain.)

3. Somewhere Over the Rainbow. 

The Judy Garland version of this song famously features in The Wizard of Oz and it's sung by Dorothy, who is tired of the mundanity of her average farm life and is hoping to somehow be able to get away from it all...

"Someday I'll wish upon a star

And wake up where the clouds are far behind me

Where troubles melt like lemon drops

Away above the chimney tops

That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow

Bluebirds fly

Birds fly over the rainbow

Why then, oh, why can't I?"

I think Hugo is implied to have had a rough upbringing for sure, and I do feel a large part of the game is suggested to take place in his head, although I tend to favor a reading that's even MORE abstract and just say that Hugo himself represents a child's imagination and innocence. The world of OFF to me represents a child's perception of the outside world before it has been disillusioned. It was bright, colorful, and safe, but then ~something~ happened that changed that. Life happened. Suddenly, the rose-tinted glasses start cracking. That's when the neurosis sets in, the guardians start losing their grip, the spectres arrive to throw everything into chaos...and then eventually comes The Batter, who to me, symbolizes a complete rejection and subsequent destruction of a world that once brought you comfort. When you have been mistreated, your hatred and apathy DO feel righteous. At his core he is nihilism personified...and once he destroys your inner child the only thing that's left is to give up on everything. This is what Zacharie was trying to open your eyes to, and that is why The Judge's ending is so profound to me.

The Batter's decision is immediately appealing. Sunk Cost fallacy. We’ve already made it this far…the world is a shell of what it once was. Why keep going when there is nothing left in sight to fight for?  But The Judge argues that simply existing is better than turning your back on it all. Why? Sugar says it best in her dialogue, “Think of something beautiful really hard, and maybe you will see it tomorrow.” As long as we push forward, we can have hope. And hope is what I felt, watching the end credits after completing The Judge's ending and seeing him walk through the barren landscape alone. Hope, that one day something new could take its place.

This reading to me equalizes both end-game decisions in my mind. I don’t think either one is “wrong” necessarily, just different reactions to trauma that you could have.

And what about You? The player? Well.

It is impossible for me to ignore that we are a character in this story too, we are addressed by name!! and when you take the obvious religious themes to their logical conclusion, you are likened the most to a god. That's why I believe that the world of OFF is meant to be....yours.

You're the one who's hurting. Hugo is YOUR sick inner child. It's why you're the one who's overseeing the destruction of everything through Batter. You want this just as much as it is his nature to provide it as a self-destructive Part of you!

(Him talking about himself here ^ )

It's also the reason why you're the only one who can stop him at the end and The Judge couldn't do it without you (even though he has a move that can kill batter in like 3 hits when you play as him.) The choice to kill off parts of yourself that no longer serve you is the only one that you can make.

SO BASICALLY, TLDR...

The zones are different sectors of your own inner landscape and Batter is a self-destructive part of your brain that earnestly masquerades as a protector since he believes the best way to protect you from a painful reality is to cut you off from it.

Hugo isn't immediately accessible until you destroy everything else because he is your heavily repressed inner child. Once he's gone however, you can make the final decision to retreat inward and disconnect from the outside world completely. Making the decision to not pull the lever means that even though life has been painful to you, you opt to continue to stay present in the hope that things will get better someday...somewhere over the rainbow.

When I pulled that lever in the last moments, I didn't grieve for Hugo, I grieved for myself. It felt deeply personal to me the first time I played OFF 8 years ago, and it still did on my latest playthrough.

I do believe this game and its messages are important however you chose to interpret them, although I figured this post was in order because this is the "canon" I operate from and what I will depict in my art and posts.

[whats-another-song-contest]

I keep reading comments all over how disappointing the first Melfest heat was and apparently the least-watched Mello start in over a decade. There are even predictions about a possible NQ of Sweden (which I won't believe in because, well, it's Sweden and practically guaranteed around 20 televote points from Finland & Norway). According to Crystal Ball ESC on Twitter the next two heats are going to be even weaker than the first one, and there are speculations about the contest being rigged for Loreen since she got the ultimate pimp slot performing last in the last heat. What are your thoughts?

Oh, interesting question!

My feeling is that people are overreacting a bit by saying things like Sweden might have a non-qualifier before we've even heard all the entries. Another thing which I always keep in mind with esc stuff is the divide between the fans and the general public, since their tastes can differ drastically (see Latvia last year). As far as rigging the contest, I would say that's unlikely. I think that like most years we have a bunch of medicore songs and a few good ones, and because Loreen garners the most interest and likely has one of the better songs they've put her last to let people engage with the rest of the entries before she gets most of the attention (I'm also of the opinnion that people put too much store in the influence of the running order - just because it's the factor we know beforehand doesn't mean it'll be the most significant one on the actual night, when so many more and less predictable factors come into play). But I also only keep up with tumblr and YouTube comments, so I can't really evaluate the nuances of what fans are saying elsewhere.

I get where they're coming from though. To me it feels like mello has been running on empty for years now. Unlike countries with less established national selection procedures, where the varied selection processes may result in more diverse and risky entries, Melodifestivalen feels like a bohemuth whose deep roots make it very hard to shift. There is a very particular and established public perception of what mello is and should be in Sweden, and behind the scenes there is a whole industry which also helps maintain this expected fascade (how tired aren't we of hearing that the same few names have written most of the entries?).

It's like I said in my post comparing mello to doctor who: at this point mello keeps moving mostly on built-up momentum. But momentum doesn't allow for the quick turns and adaptions other countries can pull off so effortlessly. Momentum isn't a creative force, it's a derrivative one. For many countries, national selections are a sprint to be undertaken each year. Mello is a marathon we've been running since Björkman revolutionised the format in 2002. Another simile would be a garden: most countries plant new annuals every year, some have nice bushes they've been tending to for some years, and mello is the big old oak at the edge of the garden. It's majestic and showcases decades of dedicated hard work, yes, but no matter how much love and effort we keep puring into it, trees still grow old and wither. This particular one probably hit its prime over a decade ago.

I'm mixing my metaphors, but I think you get the point. We live in a very different world to 2002. We listen to and engage with music in ways you would struggle to explain to a 2002-ian if you were to go back in time and try. I think it's beyond argument that mello needs not just a reform, but to be revolutionised - the way they did in 2002 - to keep it interesting and relevant to current audiences: both the fans and the public at large. The transfer of management from Björkman to the new team (which happened before last year's edition) would have been a great opportunity for this to be done, but the tiny changes which actually were implemented are barely worthy of the name in my opinion. Behind the scenes they may have made a difference, but the experience of watching the show is very much the same - if not worse (glances at the painfully predictible voting procedure).

Real revolution would take inspiration, and that would equire entusiasm from people deeply familiar with the current landscape available to musical audiences. Mello feels like it's gone in the other direction, toward a more corporate "make a formula and stick to it" assembly line type deal. Though, I guess mello has never been the place you went for musical innovation; perhaps my tastes have just diversified with age. Either way, I agree with the general consensus that mello feels stale. There's a reason esc is my main interest, and it's the diversity of the music and performances. If mello feels more and more restrictive, esc is a liberating breath of fresh air. I can't wait for May to arrive!

[hikaririnku-blog]

Tag Game

Rules: tag 9 people (or so) you want to know better and/or catch up with, then answer the questions below! — I was tagged by @cizzle-freezy !

(Quick disclaimer from me (Hikari), I am a HUGE paragraph writer, so bear with me.)

*~Song~*

A lot of my favorite songs tend to be related to video game soundtracks, and rarely do I expand my horizons. But, when I do, I gravitate towards a variety of genres, specifically ones akin to rock/metal/hard rock, EDM/future bass, and synthwave/vaporwave. Finally, after all these years, I have a favorite song that alligns with a multitude of my tastes.

When my partner introduced me to Devil May Cry series, the music from the games was really amazing to me. But then, they played Devil May Cry 5, got to the part where I see Vergil, and I hear his battle theme... It was over from there. Bury the Light is my Absolute All-Time Favorite™️ in my mind, something that I can repeat without getting tired of it, and, ironically, it gives me motivation, keeps me going without anyone or anything getting in my way, and makes me feel like I have the power to do anything.

*~Ships~*

Ships I typically keep on the down-low, since they're OC-related 90% of the time, and out of that 90%, a good majority are OC x OC ships with a friend's OC or my partner's. I'd get nervous sharing them, and if there is a fandom ship, nine times out of ten they're OC x Fandom, another thing I keep on the down-low. Cringe culture scared me out of sharing any of it for a long time. But I will throw fear out of the window for today, and tell my top Fandom X OC with an explanation as to why.

Dark Link x OC: Link is the main character of The Legend of Zelda game series, and you can portray either yourself or a different personality into him. None are exactly "incorrect", as Link is a very flexible and versatile character, especially with responses you can choose towards NPCs in the modern Zelda games post-SNES era (i.e. Breath of the Wild, Wind Waker, Skyward Sword, etc.). Similarly, Dark Link would be treated with the same flexibility and versatility. This opened a lot of possibilities for me, and I loved both Link and Dark Link for this trait. My personal favorite interpretation is that Dark Link, being around for as long as Link was (more or less), remembers a lot of his hardships throughout the past incarnations, and he can either be just as vengeful as who created him in the first place, or make a change to become his own person, and either hating Link for even being a catalyst for his own existence, or learning to work with Link and help him save the day in his own way. With this kind of interpretation, I have wondered if a special someone in his life will help hit the nail in the coffin for either result, or even create a new problem where he is internally at war with himself to go with his ideal partner or continue on his current path. It is also a good writing practice for a lot of hurt/comfort friendship and/or romance writings, too, so there's a perk in that.

*~Books~*

Not sure if comic books or manga count, but I just got done with Volume 1 of Solo Leveling and I am in LOVE with it. I refuse to go into detailed explanation of the story for this in case someone wants to read it for themselves eventually (if you actually want details, I recommend finding someone that helps explain or reads the story to you, or even get the book yourself and give it a try), but I will say, this book is a visual inspiration. I love the colors, the action details, and everything feels flowy when winds are present, and just... so angle (affectionate). And when things feel dangerous, they feel dangerous. I got severely hooked and I hope to continue reading it.

*~Movies~*

Much like the friend that tagged me, I very rarely watch movies. If I do, I must watch it with friends. The one that very much so lives rent-free in my mind was recently watching Howl's Moving Castle with my college friend. This would be my second Studio Ghibli film (first one being Ponyo) and oh my god.

Oh my god.

Somehow, this gorgeous movie made me cry with the main character Sophie. I felt her emotions, understood her. This film made me feel like I was the character. I want to read the book it was based off of so bad. It really surprised me when I discovered it was a film from 2004. Everything is so clean in animation, the backgrounds, the animation for the moving castle itself, just... everything. Granted, I shouldn't expect anything less from a Studio Ghibli film, but it's still so phenomenal. I felt like this should have been my first film, since I felt so in-tune with it more than I did with Ponyo.

*~Cravings~*

I severely crave a good hurt/comfort RP. Life isn't always chaos and despair, and, inversely, life isn't always sunshine and rainbows. It could be lifetime enemies or rivals becoming best friends because they share a tragic past that taunts them and hurts them every single day. It could be complete pessimistic strangers on a long and painful journey that helped them teach them empathy, compassion, and love. It could be anything... so long as it shows one thing.

Healing. I love a theme of healing in my RPs. It's something I connect with as well, having been a person that has been hurt before, alongside with a lot of people. The pain lasts long, but, you heal.

... I also crave a good, fresh, medium rare steak.

*~Tags~*

@jessebizarreart @juan-o-clocks @jorgedrawssomethings @risty90

Get tagged, nerds, lol.

[virtue-and-beneviolence]

I wish you’d make me cry (but finished this time)

Mitsuya is the perfect boyfriend. He just might not be perfect for you.

cw: reader is a piece of shit and 'suya loses his temper. like 900 words. This one's for you @pulchritxde also go listen to the UPSAHL song of the same name for the vibe

Mitsuya cooked your favorite meal. He knew you had a bad day and wanted you to feel better, make you feel cared for. Somehow these gestures only pushed you deeper into a dark place. The devil in your skull reminded you how your perfect boyfriend could never tell how you felt. How he treated you so goddamn perfectly. Like you were a little trophy wife. Like you needed to be coddled. Like he could worship the ground you walked on. Being treated like a perfect little thing when you were a messy person, chaotic in nature, a walking disaster in so many ways…it irritated you to absolutely no end. You pushed the food around your plate with your fork. He either didn’t notice or call attention to it. Was giving you your space, you could just about hear his voice day in your head. Your jaw tightened.

The air was thick with a one-sided tension you’ve become accustomed to. Mitsuya was chattering, unbothered, about his day and you occasionally gave half hearted responses. Nights like this were the worst. You should love this, should love him. He loved you. He treated you like anyone could only dream of. He cooked, he cleaned, he tended to your needs, listened to you vent. He let you yell to him, at him even. He took on all your distress and anger without even batting a lash. So why couldn’t you accept it?

Maybe you hated the domesticity. Maybe you resented the way Takashi never lost his temper. Maybe you just wanted to feel messy and in love. Maybe you just wanted something passionate and imperfect.

But Takashi was perfect.

And it grated on you.

So you pushed.

“Y/n…?” Mitsuya’s voice was far away, “Hey, y/n? You okay?”

“Huh? Oh. Yeah. Sorry.” You clipped each word once again trying to bite back on your aggression out of habit.

“You don’t seem right, today. Did something happen, baby?” his eyes were soft. The sweetness was sickening rather than endearing. You bit your cheek. Didn’t he get it?

“Don’t you get tired of it Takashi?”

“Tired of what, work?”

“Tired of this,” you gestured wildly at the space between you. “Tired of taking care of me when I push away your kindness. Tired of acting like it doesn’t bother you how I don’t listen about your work? Tired of being so fucking sweet and kind and doting? Tired of being so goddamned put together all the time? Of waiting on me hand and foot? Of my attitude?” You weren’t sure when you stood up, or when the venom started to really pour into your words. You saw a subtle shift in his eyes but otherwise his calm demeaner was intact. He was patiently waiting for you to finish your tirade. You obliged. “Because I’m tired. I’ve had it to fucking here with how perfect you are! Isn’t it fucking boring being the perfect man? Don’t you ever want to let go and give me a taste of my own fucking medicine?”

“What would you have me do, y/n?”

“Anything! Anything to show you’re a person with feelings! Show me your messiness! You anger! I’ve earned it. Tell me how miserable I make you. Tell me off! Make me fucking cry, Mitsuya!”

He shot to his feet at the mention of his last name, “You want me to tell you how I feel? You’re an ill-tempered, contemptable, ungrateful bitch.” He spat the words with equal, metered emphasis on each, right in your face. He gave you a light shove towards the wall and stalked over you, making you trip into the wall at your back, “You don’t appreciate a fucking soul, you callus fuck. I could save your life and you’d spit in my face.” He grabbed your jaw and dug his thumb into your cheek roughly. He glared down at you with derision so intense you didn’t think those kind eyes could muster. You winced at the pain of his grip but didn’t buckle under the intensity of the look in his eyes. “You’re a goddamn monster, y/n. I give you every fucking thing you could possibly want and more, and you have the nerve to go and act up like the little petty cunt you a-”

You ripped his hand off your face, dug your nails into his wrist and pulled his face to yours, meeting his lips in a messy toothy kiss. You immediately lapped at his tongue with yours. His free hand rooted a fist in your hair and left no opening for escape from this clattering kiss. He swallowed your moan eagerly. He shook your hand off his wrist and brought it to your throat, cutting more of your air supply, not that you were sure you even remembered how to breathe at this point. When he felt your knees buckle slightly he let you break away and gasp for breath through swollen, bitten lips. His were at your ear.

“You want to be treated like the selfish bitch you are? I can arrange that too. I’m perfect, remember? I can fucking do it all.” He all but growled in your ear. You reveled in the bass of his voice. The red-hot ire he spoke with sent a shiver down your spine.

“It’s about fucking time you did, Kashi.”

Masterlist

taglist: @sano-obsessed @hanmasslvt @zensbiceps

[bestpartofbe-lie-ve]

A few hours ago I went to see the new Thor movie and, tbh? I LOVED IT. And the soundtrack made it even better.

And, why do I mention the soundtrack? Well, because they used a few Guns n' Roses songs and then, out of nowhere, I realized that Eddie and Billy died right before the release of Appetite for destruction. Like, they never got to hear Welcome to the jungle, or Mr. Brownstone, or My Michelle, OR PARADISE CITY and that?? That saddens me bc I know that, at least, Billy would have loved it. Eddie too, but for what we have of reference of his taste in music he wouldn't be so into it, BUT HE WOULD HAVE LOVED A FEW SONGS.

But, again, talking about Billy? He would have turned into a slut for Gn'R. He would have developed a fat crush on Axl Rose, even if he denied it. Steve would've tired of hearing the blonde literally talk about them all day, especially hearing him talk about Axl fucking Rose. Jealousy at his pure state. Billy would listen to appetite all fucking day, he would know the lyrics by heart and every damn time he would do the hip thrust/dance that Axl tends to do

Steve would be so freaking jealous. Extremely jealous. Because, honestly, how could he compete against that? He doesn't have the moves, or the looks. Nor even looks closely to him. For god's sake he's a brunette!

But the final straw would be the exact moment where Billy, naive, would say something like "He's so feminine, but in such a masculine way, it's insane Steve!" And then he would smile, like the cat of Alice in Wonderland, adding "Do you think he's a natural redhead? I bet he's a natural redhead. I would pay thousands to figure it out" And Steve wouldn't understand what he meant, until he sees the pink tint over Billy's cheeks, nose and ears making him choke with his own saliva.

"You're so gross, Hargrove. I can't believe you"

"Oh, but you love me princess. Don't be jealous, redhead or not you're still ten times prettier. And, honestly? I'm just messing with you, he's not my type"

Still, Steve has a tiny crush with Izzy Stradlin and Slash, and when Billy finds about it he goes crazy, because somehow Izzy and Slash, combined, have the same vibe that Eddie Munson has, and that couldn't be just a coincidence.

"Oh baby, don't be jealous. He's not my type, Eddie's not my type either. I like them blonde" Steve would mimic with a smile when Billy's getting overly jealous. But that wouldn't be enough because Billy knows that Duff McKagan and Steven Adler are, in fact, blondes.

[multiplefandomsblog]

request; I am lusting for the emo boy 👉👈 Could I get something where the reader gives him a bj after he had a stressful day

warnings; bj, deep-throating, cussing, cum-eating, shuichi is receiving, reader is gender-neutral.

note; im trying to think of a song to go with this hold up- (yes thats all i have for my note, im running out of things to say-)

OH SHIT YES!!! SANGRIA?? BY EASY LIFE??? ARLO PARKS??? OR GET YOU BY DANIEL CAESER!!!!!

wc; 2k+

Slapping the screen of his work computer shut, the sudden and loud noise kept him awake for just a little longer. Shuichi brought both of his cold hands to his face, rubbing the eye bags that had formed as a result of his overworking and lack of sleep.

“God…” It took him everything he had to not yell into his slightly trembling hands. His fingers tangled themselves in his hair as he stood up from the chair that had made his backside ache, breathing out the pent-up stress he had cultivated throughout the… He checked his watch, drooping eyes barely able to read the hands of the miniature clock. 

—The twelve hours of sitting down, typing in and submitting in files, piled onto files regarding a tough case. He’d be lying if he wasn’t at least a little used to this shit work ethic. 

The first thought his mind allowed him to possess after draining his brain completely out of energy, had been, ‘S/o...-, I hope they didn’t forget to eat today.’ He hadn’t gotten the chance to monitor you, nor text or call you; his phone, to kick off the day, hadn’t charged properly the day before, leaving his phone with 3%. The moment he had tried to text you mid-way through his extended work period, his phone had given up on him, leaving him frustrated and worried. 

Sighing, he quickly packed up his things, ready to leave the suffocating, but honestly quite nicely designed office— to see you. He was so close to just falling asleep on the nice, cold surface of his computer, but the thought of you waking up to an empty bed had his heart, crumbling over something he hadn’t done yet. And hadn’t planned to do, either. 

Exiting the office, he called a taxi as he was too deprived of sleep to safely drive.

---------------------------------------------------------—

Hearing the door open, you immediately rushed to the front door, almost slipping on the waxy surface of the wood floor against your fuzzy socks. 

Pulling back, your eyes held a different emotion as you gazed into Shuichi’s tired but loving orbs; your eyes no longer contained the same soul-crushing worry for him. Instead, they had held a needy lust. Could you blame yourself? It had been twelve hours. Shuichi let out a quiet startled noise as you started dragging him to the couch, he did nothing but let you; too tired to ask what you were doing despite having the sneaking suspicion he already knew. No one can overlook a stare like that; you’d have to be blind to. 

Pushing him onto the couch with little effort, he watched with intrigued eyes as you got to your knees and sat in between his knees, your own gaze locking onto his as you lowered yourself to the point where you had to crane your neck to properly see his pretty, flushed face. 

Golden eyes flashed in need, small whines spilling from his trembling lips as he slightly parted his thighs for you to drag your fingers further up into. “You worked all day, Shuichi… C’mon, just a taste?” You looked up at him, doe eyes pleading and tongue swiping across your bottom lip entrancingly, as Shuichi’s golden eyes followed the glistening muscle. He could already imagine your tongue swirling around the tip of his— 

“A-a little… A little taste. Please.” Ten hours of neglect, and the craving for his musk only augmented with each agonizing second that passed by. His eyes widened at the sultry tone you equipped; had he really worked so long to the point you were on your knees for him? “I...”

Yes, yes he had. It had been twelve hours, and you were worried sick. Not only that, the poor boy looked so tense and stressed, it had given you the urge to just strap him to the bed and force him to sleep, and nothing else. Knowing him, he wouldn’t have allowed himself the proper amount of hours of sleep, and food he needed to stay alive.

A part of him didn’t want to take advantage of your state, but a part of him already knew you wouldn’t let up until you got what you wanted; it’s not like he detested the idea of getting sucked off. “O-okay.”

He let out a small gasp as he felt you suddenly play with the zipper of his pants, your fingers ‘accidentally’ brushing against the growing erection he hadn’t noticed he had. You watched him carefully, fighting the urge to laugh as he arched his back against the couch; you didn’t want to embarrass him, you simply wanted to help him de-stress. 

Deciding you’d focus more on him than your own sadistic desires, you quickly halted your teasing and zipped open his fly, wasting no time to reach down the waistband of his navy blue boxers and pin-striped pants, erupting a gasp from him as he hadn’t been expecting it to escalate so fast.

Gingerly, you pulled out the hardening cock that seemed to twitch in your hold, only causing you to smile at the cute reaction. Though Shuichi’s facial expression had been incomparable to his cock. You had barely down anything to him, and his whole entire face flushed red, a hand already clamped over his mouth that concealed the lip he had been chewing at so aggressively. 

Stroking your thumb over the pretty pink tip of his cock, you cooed at it, already finding yourself craning your neck down to kiss the tip of it, causing Shuichi to jolt up from the light but impactive pressure on the tip of his cock. He found himself getting more alert, differing from his previous state of mind where he had barely been able to register what had been happening at the door.

Tired, lolling eyes from earlier converted into wide, lustfully lidded golden eyes that bore into your own coloured irises. The only difference between the two pairs of eyes had been the soft domineering gaze you set upon the boy who seemed to be putty in your hands and mouth. 

Winking at him, you felt confidence grow in you as you heard him slightly whimper and wine through the futile coverage of his hand over his mouth, and so, with suave, you slid the eager cock into your mouth, tapping it over your lips and tongue before deciding to suck the entire thing in, in one go. The near-scream Shuichi emitted definitely helped you take the entirety of him inside your mouth. 

You let out a small hiccup as you felt him throbbing in your throat, eyes wide and nose deep in the base of his shaft as your lips had almost been able to kiss the base of his cock. Keyword; almost.

With tear-filled eyes, you moaned onto his cock that only seemed to fit in half of your mouth before you started gagging. The small choked gasps from your side seemed to be in earshot of Shuichi, as he reached down to check on you- his hand was caught mid-way as you took a deep breath through your nose and fit the rest of his length down your throat. At this point, tears had been falling down your face uncontrollably, and you had been too busy massaging the base of his cock and balls to try and wipe them off.

“S-S/o— Y-you shouldn’t- F-fuck, I’m already so close, please don’t stop…!” He whined in a broken voice, head spinning and eyes rolling to the back of his head as he practically heaved out pants against the couch behind him. You felt your own thighs tremble as you heard him lose character, cussing; something you didn’t know he’d ever do. It sounded foreign in his voice, but was it strange that you actually liked how it sounded?

Moans and pleas spilled out of his drooling mouth like a running faucet; he noticed it only seemed to egg you on, in which, he wasn’t sure he liked or feared. He was highly certain he wouldn’t be able to last long—the thought hit him like an 80-pound brick as you dragged your tongue on the sensitive underside of his cock. “Hhnn- Ah—!” He let out an embarrassingly high moan, though he didn’t seem to care enough to tend to the humiliation, as he had currently been occupying his mind with the fact you had been sucking him off and sucking him off good.

His neck and thighs twitched as he writhed, not able to hold back the urge to pull your hair as he felt like he was going to lose it if he didn’t. Reaching down quickly, he yanked your hair upwards, in a force that didn’t hurt as much as you thought it would. It seems, even during moments like these he was always gentle with you. 

Rewarding him for the action, you hummed muffled praises he couldn’t hear, but could definitely feel the effect of it against his cock. Vibrations shot up from between his legs to up the trail of his spine, sending shockwaves of pleasure through his entire body. 

You felt his clammy hand that had kept hold of your hair, push you down onto his length roughly, causing you to stifle a surprised choke as you felt his tip hit the very back of your throat. “S-Shui—” You couldn’t even say half his name properly. 

With tears streaming down your face, you shut yourself up and took it, bobbing your head up and down faster—to which he rewarded you with shaky, blissful sobs. God, did you wish you could see his expression right now. 

At the thought, your slightly red eyes darted up to his face, which seemed to be staring right back at you with his own tear-brimmed gaze. “S-S/o...!” He whined out, a few stray tears falling as he felt his climax approach him. Throwing his head back, you lost sight of his flushed, slobbering face as he rested the back of his neck against the couch. 

“Close..! Close! Hah- Hnngg! Please, I need to- to—!” Shuichi cut himself off, mouth contorting into an ‘O’ shape as he tensed his thighs underneath your clawed grip, feeling his well-deserved orgasm finally hit him. You suctioned your mouth around his length especially hard, eyes squeezing shut as you felt him pulsating against the walls of your sore throat.

You could feel the milky white, nearly translucent cum shoot down your throat and, as you usually do, you let it slip down your throat with no complaints—and it wasn’t as if you could try spitting it out; Shuichi’s cock had been so far down your throat, he had been practically been shooting it directly down your throat, giving you no chance to swallow. 

You felt his cock shudder, twitch and go flaccid in your mouth; so with a final drag of your lips, you trapped any leftover semen within the insides of your lips and licked whatever had escaped the bindings of your aching mouth. Shuichi remained heaving against the couch, his hand that had previously been holding onto your hair with a death-grip, weakened and dropped to the side of your face.

Bringing his head back down from the thrown back position on the couch, he stared down at you who had still been seated between his legs, your cheek resting against his thigh as you watched him with a soft and infatuated gaze. After such a feat, to look at him like that; he felt like he was on cloud 9. He truly wondered what he had done to deserve a blow job like that, and someone like you to give him such a thing after neglecting you for twelve hours, he felt terrible for you yet also fortunate to have you. His gaze, despite still fucked-out and slightly mind-blown, held worry for you. 

With his already red face going even more crimson, he brought his hand down to the side of your head to stroke your face tenderly. Still heaving out pants, he stuttered out quiet words of gratification, “... T-thank you. For that.” To which you only grinned cheekily at, head turning to gently nibble and kiss at the inside of his thigh, causing a small yelp to erupt from him. 

Your hand gripped onto his thigh, making sure to immobilize him and his squirming as you sucked a hickey onto his thigh. “Hh-!” Shuichi could only whimper at the pressure, his free hand going up to wipe away the tears that formed from earlier, and the ones that had been forming currently. 

[otptings]

Studio Time

w/Mark Lee

-fluff, use of dude a lot (it’s Mark),  suggestive smut (studio head (f receiving))

I am seriously lacking with fluff in my daily life so enjoy this. Pure fluff, all centered around Mark Lee (I lied it ended up not being pure fluff) first time writing smut so I apologize it’s not that good

I  stared at my boyfriend, amazed by how lucky I got. However annoyance was the emotion that truly stood out in this moment. Standing in the doorway of the studio he was currently in, I listened to Mark work on lyrics for a new Dream song. Their first full album was coming out, and ever since Mark was put back in Dream he was incredibly nervous. 

Mark works hard. That is a well known fact. He has a lot of expectations on his shoulders. He’s an amazing singer, dancer, and rapper. Awkward Canadian when off stage to the amazing confident person he is on stage. Mark works harder than he needs to keep up with all of the expectations.

He wakes up and goes to the studio, then goes to the practice room to work on his dancing for a few more hours. Even when he is back at the dorms, I'll be laying on his bed while listening to him work on more songs, and more lyrics. He’s so busy with the album and both comebacks that he barely has time for me. That’s not even including all of the Dream, and 127 YouTube videos that they’ve been posting. 

That’s why I'm here. Outside of his studio. Holding a bag full of fried chicken, kimchi stew, and some drinks. All of Mark’s favorite food. I know that when Mark is intensely working he tends to forget to take care of himself. Physically, emotionally and mentally. He refuses to take a break until the comeback is successfully over, but by then a new comeback is in the works. 

It breaks my heart to see him working himself so hard. I know that this a dog eats dog world but I wish that for once he would see it from my point of view, and take a break, even if it’s only for 1 millisecond. That way I wouldn’t have to see the bags under his eyes, or hear about his diet and how he needs to stop eating so much. (In his mind that means to not eat at all to make sure he stays in shape which constantly has me on the verge of ripping my hair out) 

Knocking on the door I watched as Mark’s head turned towards me quickly, out of shock. 

“Babe? What are you doing here dude?” Walking over to him I pulled his chair away from the table and turned it so it was facing the couch. Placing the food down I sat down beside it and started to open everything.

“Forcing you to take a break. You need to eat, I don’t like watching my boyfriend waste away.” For once instead of fighting me, Mark just allowed me to nag at him. After fixing his plate up, I handed it to him and saw him looking at me with a dopey smile. “What?”

Mark shook his head before stuffing some of the stew in his mouth. “I really love you.” I felt my ears heat up, and looked down. Grabbing another plate I started to serve myself before realizing that Mark had already finished half of his plate. 

“See. You’re hungry. I hate when you get like this Mark.” Staring down at my plate I felt all of my worried thoughts come to the forefront of my brain. We have this conversation every comeback, and I will never get tired of it, only because I know he’ll listen for awhile but forget about it by the next comeback. I would repeat myself over, over, and over again if it meant that Mark was taking care of himself. 

Me and Mark sat in silence, quietly listening to the beat that he was working on replaying itself automatically after it finished. After we finished eating I started placing everything back in the bag. When I stood up to leave though Mark grabbed my arm and pulled me back to him. Wrapping his arms around my waist he stared at me with the same dopey smile from earlier. 

“I really love you dude. So much.” 

“I love you too Mark,” Mark sat down on the couch pulling me down with him. Straddling his lap I felt my face heat up again from our position. No matter how long Mark and I have been together I still get butterflies every time we do anything remotely intimate, “What’s got you so touchy feely all of a sudden?”

“ Dude, I have a beautiful girl, who loves me enough to make me take a break and take care of myself when I haven’t seen her in a while.” Mark pouted at his last sentence I moved my hand up to play in his hair. Lifting his chin up to me I gave him another kiss. 

“Because I care about you, and I know you’re busy. It’s okay.” Suddenly Marked flipped our positions so I was laying on the couch with him hovering overtop of me. My eyes went wide as I realized this and I let out a nervous laugh after how the mood changed from sweet, to something more. Something way more intimate, and nasty. 

One of Mark’s hand held him up, while his other held a grip on my waist. Mark leaned down and connected our lips this time for much longer. I wrapped my arms around his neck forcing him to just put his weight on me as I spread my legs to give him space in-between them. I sighed into the case as I felt him start to grind into me slowly. I bit Mark’s lip making him groan and open his mouth allowing my tongue in. Our tongues moved together slowly, despite how needy we were getting. I could taste the sweet juice that we drank earlier, from me or from him I don’t know. 

I felt Mark’s hand slide to the top of my sweatpants before he pulled back from the kiss. Quickly sliding my pants down he turned me so he was in between my legs as he knelt on the floor. Mark laid kisses down my thighs, towards my pussy, before skipping over it and going to my thigh. Whining I ran my fingers through his hair trying to get him to get the message, he ignored me and bit down into my thigh causing me to gasp from shock more than the pain. 

“Stop teasing, please Mark.” Finally listening to me, Mark looked up at me keeping eye contact as he finally gave me some attention where I needed it. I gasped as his tongue licked up towards my clit slowly, bordering on tortuous. After the first slow lick Mark swirled his tongue around my clit and I couldn’t help but let out a loud moan. Thank god for the sound proofing. 

Mark was good at everything. We’ve already established that. I meant everything. Mr. Mork was amazing in bed, especially with his tongue. Rappers you know. Mark also wasn’t the same one that you would see in the videos. The awkward one, that laughed at everything. Disappeared completely whenever we got intimate. He was amazing, and he was also a tease. 

As soon as the first moan left my lips, Mark went to suck on my completely ignoring my moans, and the way I pulled his hair. Releasing my clit he went back to licking my pussy while his thumb ran over my clit. My legs instinctively tried to close but Mark held them open with his other hand. His grip tightened on my leg to keep me from closing them again. I felt my eyes roll back when he switch his position again and went back to sucking on clit harshly while his fingers finally slide into my opening. The harsh gasp that left my lips as I felt the fire in my stomach growing bigger. 

Looking down at Mark I saw him looking back at me, lust shining brightly in his eyes while my essence was all over his chin. At that sinful visual I felt myself cum with Mark’s name on my lips. I felt my thighs shake from my orgasm. Mark stood up helping me redress as I lay slightly boneless. Mark moved us so that I was laying on top. 

“What about you?” I mumbled feeling myself starting to doze off already. Mark laughed before rubbing my cheek, and kissing me on my forehead.

“I’m good that was a thank you for always being caring. Take a nap I’ll lay with you, then when you wake up we’ll go home okay?” I nodded my head before allowing myself to doze off. God I loved him and his studio time.

[helnjk]

Bad Idea - F.W.

Fred Weasley x fem!reader

Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates 🤍 Wishing everyone a wonderful holiday season & new year 🧚🏼‍♀️

this is the first installment of my showtunes fic list, based on the song bad idea from the musical waitress !

Summary: fred weasley has the ability to get under her skin in a way no one else can. he also sends butterflies straight to her stomach like no one else can. 

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: enemies to lovers, slight cursing, steamy scenes but no outright smut

song lyrics are bolded & italicized

-

It’s a bad idea me and you

Y/N rolled her eyes as the Weasley twins made something or other explode at the Gryffindor table at breakfast. The awed cheers and whispers of her schoolmates at the colorful display of miniature fireworks did nothing to sway her opinion on the irritating duo. In fact, it might have even made her dislike for them grow.

It wasn’t as if she had no basis for hating the pair of them. They had been nothing but rude to her since their first year, and she was sure it was mostly due to her adorning the green and silver crest on her school robes. She had been at the receiving end of their nasty pranks more than she liked to admit, and some of them weren’t even a sliver funny. 

As if he practiced legilimency, the older twin’s eyes moved from his showy display of spellwork to hers and sent a subtle wink in Y/N’s way. 

“Like what you see, Y/L/N?” Fred yelled across the hall, causing the onlookers to turn their heads in her direction. 

Angrily, she felt heat flood her cheeks, “Not at all Weasley. Just wondering how many points I could take away from Gryffindor today.” 

She heard the members of her table snickering quietly at the sound of points lost for their least favorite house, but she paid them no mind. In all honesty, she knew that no amount of points taken away would sway the Weasley twins from their mischief making. 

Later in the day while Y/N made her way from her last class to the library to catch up on some coursework, she heard the familiar snickers of the two boys she wanted to interact with the least. 

“Oi! Watch where you’re going!” She yelled, annoyance bubbling in the pit of her stomach as the redheaded menaces rushed past her and nearly knocked her over. 

“Going to take some more points from Gryffindor, Y/L/N?” Fred taunted over his shoulder as his brother let out a huff of laughter. 

“Well, it’s not like she has any other important things taking up her time, don’t you think Freddie?” George said.

“You are absolutely right, George.” He replied. 

“Honestly, don’t you two have anything better to do than get on my nerves all the time?” She gritted out.

The twins slowed their pace and Fred turned around casually to wink at her, “No can do, love.” 

“Don’t call me love!”  

Their raucous laughter echoed across the hall as she pushed past them in a huff. Stupid redheaded twins. Stupid Fred with his stupid teasing. Stupid George for laughing and egging him on. 

Something about the way she determinedly called out over her shoulder made Fred pause. 

Her eyes caught the fading light that streamed through the windows of the hallway, and shone brightly. Her skin seemed to glow in the amber light, reflecting the sun as it set in the horizon. The way she moved so confidently as she weaved through the sea of students made heads turn, and Fred was beginning to understand why their gaze gravitated towards her. 

He had never noticed how pretty Y/N had gotten over the years. Another pause. Did he find her pretty? 

Yeah, pretty annoying. He tried to reason with himself, but still he couldn’t shake this new feeling. 

For the rest of the week, Fred had decided that if he couldn’t get her out of his mind, he would simply have to make sure he was on hers as well. Whenever the two of them walked past each other in the halls, he always had some sort of cheeky remark up his sleeve. 

Subtly, he would get close enough for their shoulders to brush and would mutter under his breath, just enough for her to hear. 

“Looking good today, Y/L/N, such a shame you’re a snake.”

“What’s a lad got to do to take a pretty prefect like you out on a date?” 

“Cat’s got your tongue, Y/L/N? I know it’s ‘cause you think I look right fit, you don’t have to say anything.”

The more she ignored his comments, the more it seemed to spur him on. She would catch him sending her flirtatious winks during meals, feel his gaze on hers in their shared classes, or hear him whisper something or other to his twin while he glanced in her direction. 

If it wasn’t something he said, he would manage to send practically every kind of prank her way. Tripping jinxes, jelly-legs jinxes, dung bombs in classrooms she was about to enter, puking pastilles or nosebleed nougats slipped into her drinks. 

It was getting to a point that Y/N grew frustrated and angry all day. Her friends tended to avoid her when she got this way because she would just repeat the same things over and over again to anyone who would bother to listen. 

Fred Weasley was a massive arse. Fred Weasley could jump in the lake and be used as food for the Giant Squid for all she cared. Fred Weasley this and Fred Weasley that. 

They had even once asked her why it was specifically him that she complained about and not just the Weasley twins in general. 

“Well, both of them do irritate me to no end,” She explained, “But there’s just something about Fred that irks the hell out of me. Merlin, does he know how to push my buttons!”

Y/N didn’t know what it was about Fred that got her going. It might have been because he was the instigator of most of the twins’ pranks, that he acted first and thought of the consequences later. It might have been that he would purposely send bludgers her way whenever Slytherin played Gryffindor and the many bruises that came from it.

It might have been the little flutters she would get whenever he whispered something cheeky into her ear. But that last one she had a hard time admitting to even herself. 

By the end of the week, Y/N was at her wits end. Every time the bell rang and she gathered up her things, her hand would clutch her wand, ready to put up a small shield charm or send a hex in the direction of a certain redhead. 

It being the weekend, many of her fellow classmates rushed out the door the moment they were dismissed from class. Y/N took her time packing her things back up, as her only plans for the night were to catch up on one of the novels she had had no time to read recently. As she exited the classroom, her eyes scanned the bare hallway for any sign of Fred. Her suspicions rose when she began her walk back to her common room and nothing out of the ordinary happened. 

She soon stood corrected as a flash of red hair danced in her vision and she was suddenly pressed up against a wall. 

With a gasp she said, “Weasley? What in Merlin’s name are you–”

“Can’t be quiet for a second, can you, Y/N?” Fred teased, his lips skimming the shell of her ear and sending shivers down her spine. 

She gulped at the proximity of their bodies, her eyes darting around the empty hallway for any onlookers. 

“Get on with whatever this is then,” She breathed, trying to keep her nonchalant act up, “I have other plans for tonight that I’d rather be doing.” 

A slow chuckle escaped Fred’s lips, causing her heart to beat even more erratically than she thought possible, “So impatient love.” 

“And I told you not to call me ‘love’.” 

His eyes darted quickly to her lips and she could only hope that he couldn’t feel just how fast her heart was beating, “I’m going to kiss you now.” 

He waited for her to give him any sign of discomfort or to say no, but she merely glanced at his lips and back up at his warm brown eyes. Then, as quickly as he had appeared in front of her, his head dipped and he captured her lips in his. 

Y/N felt all the breath in her body leave as Fred pressed the searing kiss on her lips. He was intoxicating, his smell, the feel of his skin as she gripped onto his strong biceps, the way his breath mingled with hers. 

When they broke apart, his eyes trailed the length of her body in a way that made goosebumps rise from her flesh. Y/N thought she must have looked like a fish out of water, mouth slightly agape and eyes wide. 

“Just a taste of what could be.” He winked at her and then turned on his heel, “Think about it, Y/L/N.” 

Far longer than she would like to admit, Y/N stayed rooted on the spot, staring in the direction that Fred Weasley had disappeared in and fingers running along the lips that he had claimed. 

Heart keep racing Let’s make mistakes

The adrenaline pumping through Y/N’s veins gave her a feeling of weightlessness and grounding at the same time. Being Slytherin’s best beater came with the responsibility of carrying most of the game and she played her role well. Still, she always made it a point to play fair and to compensate for the shitty sportsmanship the rest of her team subscribed to. 

When she had spotted a bludger to her right, making its way to where Malfoy was slowly circling, she set off. With a strong swing of her bat, she had it hurtling in the direction of one of the Gryffindor chasers. Neither of the Weasley twins was able to make it in time and the ball scraped the unassuming chaser’s shoulder. 

With the boost of confidence this gave her, she proceeded to play one of the best matches of the season. A triumphant grin etched its way onto her face at the frustration leaking from the Weasley twins, who were trying to keep up with her and her co-beater’s synchronization. 

Though, she had to admit that the way Fred’s arms flexed and his grunts of exertion every time he did manage to hit the bludger were a tad bit distracting too. The cheeky winks he sent her way weren’t helping either. 

“Feeling a bit tired, Weasley?” She teased when he began to hover close to her, “Can’t keep up?” 

“In your dreams, Y/L/N!” He all but growled and the fire in his eyes made her heart stutter for just a second before she set off in pursuit of another bludger. 

The game had ended when Malfoy caught the snitch, a feat especially when Gryffindor had Potter, and Slytherin had won.

She couldn’t help but feel a smug sense of pride as she and the rest of the team walked out of the pitch, hearing the cheers of her house at the stands. She took her time in the changing rooms, trying to still her erratically beating heart. Her teammates slowly trickled out, reminding her of the celebrations that were definitely going to happen in the common room. 

When she heard footsteps approaching the tent just as she had finished stuffing everything in her bag, she had just assumed that one of her teammates had forgotten something. She stood corrected. 

“Quite a game today, wouldn’t you say?” 

The familiar baritone voice made Y/N pause. Without turning to face him, she said in reply, “Definitely, Weasley. It’s always nice to kick your sorry arse out on the pitch.” 

“Now, now Y/N,” He drawled, his voice inching closer to where she stood rooted on the spot. Her hand gripped at the strap of her bag as she tried to think of an escape route, “That’s definitely not the context I imagined you’d be talking about when you first mentioned my arse.” 

She let out a scoff at his insinuation, but couldn’t shake the feeling that he could see right through her bluff. Her heart beat rapidly in her chest as she realized that she was trapped in the quidditch changing rooms with the person who had been plaguing her thoughts. 

The air surrounding the pair was thick with tension and charged with electricity. Countless days of teasing and rivalry, all the discreet glances and brushes of shoulders against each other, bottled up into a single moment, this moment. By the time Y/N had turned to face the cause of the palpitations in her chest, he was mere inches away. 

His hot breath fanned her face and his deep brown eyes scanned over her. She could practically feel the heat of his body against hers, white hot and tempting. He knew exactly what he was doing to her. 

“What do you want, Weasley?” She breathed, finally managing the courage to meet his eyes. 

“You.” He said simply, tongue darting out to dampen his lips. 

For a moment, it was as if they had both stopped breathing. Neither of them said a word or moved an inch, anticipating the other’s next move. 

“Fuck it.”

Before Y/N could let out a word, his lips were on hers and his arms wrapped tightly around her waist. 

All of the frustration and built up resentment between the pair of them came to play in the harshness of his kiss. It was not sweet nor soft, not what one would imagine a kiss between a prince and a princess to be. Rather, it was passionate, playful, and powerful. Two opposing forces clashing against each other, their convergence causing an eruption of flames. 

Fred was not a shy person, and it was evident in the way he kissed her. 

If she was the least bit surprised, he couldn’t tell, because as soon as his arms rested on the small of her back, she pressed her palms against his chest and leaned into him. For once, she let him take the lead and their mouths molded together in a passionate dance. 

“We shouldn’t be doing this.” She gasped as they broke apart for air, chests rising and falling rapidly. 

“You think too much.” He responded, leaning down to capture her lips in his once more. 

The way his lips deftly glazed over her neck and attached themselves to the point right below her ear made small sounds of pleasure escape her lips and her hips rutted against his. 

These sounds only spurred him further as his arms slid down from her waist to the backs of her thighs, urging her to wrap them around him. She complied, and soon her back was against the wall as he continued the assault on her neck. 

When the pair finally broke away, they took a moment to breathe, panting heavily. Y/N was the first to break the silence, laughing slightly at the compromising position they were in, and how they had just spent the last several minutes taking their frustrations out on each other. 

“What’s so funny then,” Fred smiled as he slowly eased his grip on her thighs, lowering her back to the floor.

“Nothing,” She shook her head, surprised at how casual they treated the situation, “Just not what I’d expected to happen when Slytherin won today.” 

“And what did you expect?” He quirked an eyebrow, “Especially when you were out there playing so well and looking that good.” 

Y/N had to bite her lip to keep herself from grinning like an idiot, “Definitely not snogging you in the changing rooms, that’s for sure.” 

“I know for a fact that you quite enjoyed what we did,” He whispered, pulling her close to him once more and closing the gap between them.

“In your dreams, Weasley.” She breathed.

And then his lips were on hers again. And again and again and again.

-

Over the course of the next few weeks, many noticed how the dynamics between the two shifted ever so slightly. There were still jeers and taunts in the halls, teasing comments made in classes or during meals, but there were also fewer eye rolls and less malice behind their words. It was almost as if they had an unspoken agreement. 

The only one who had really caught on to what was really happening between the two of them was George, and it was only because he walked in on them on Fred’s bed in the dorms. 

Y/N had been on top of Fred, straddling his midsection and pressing soft kisses all along his face and jaw, while he had his arms wrapped around her waist and held her tightly. Chest to chest, a soft hum verbrated from him as she continued her ministrations.

There wasn’t any sort of sexual tension at that moment, in fact, there hadn’t been an ounce of it the whole day. Laying like this with Fred made Y/N all sorts of confused, but she still enjoyed whatever the hell was happening between them.

It was cut short, though, as George had walked through the threshold of the dorm and saw their slightly compromised position. 

“Bloody hell!” He exclaimed, and Y/N sprung up immediately, his twin’s arms falling limply at his sides at her sudden movement. 

“Erm-” She mumbled, trying to move away, but Fred had none of it. If at all, his grip on her thighs tightened. 

She could feel his body shaking from the laugh he was trying to hold in, and smacked him on the chest, “Fred! Stop that!” 

“What?” He laughed, “It’s not like he saw anything, did you, Georgie?”

George, who was still trying to process what he had just witnessed, blinked a couple of times before shaking his head in disbelief, “Good Godric, so this is why you two have been acting so odd lately?” 

“Well, it’s not as if we’re bloody dating,” Fred rolled his eyes, but Y/N felt her heart skip a beat, “We’re just having some fun s’all.”

She swallowed the lump that was suddenly in her throat and gave a feeble nod, “Yep. Just some fun.” 

It was a pretty good bad idea  Wasn’t it though?

Y/N didn’t know why she began avoiding Fred. 

To everyone else in the school, all was well. The teasing between them hadn’t stopped. The little jabs at meals, in classes, or out in the hallways still happened. She was still a prefect and took points from Gryffindor whenever she caught the twins outside of curfew or running from Filch. They were both still beaters who played for their respective teams and shot remarks mockingly at one another out on the pitch.

Outside of those moments, though, Y/N made it a point to walk the other direction when she saw him walking her way, with or without his twin. She would slip out of shared classes as soon as the bell rang and their professor dismissed them. She even went as far as hiding in a spare broom closet once, when she was doing her prefect rounds and heard his telltale laughter just around the corner. 

They hadn’t shared a moment alone in a few weeks and Fred had wracked his brain trying to figure out what he did wrong. Their set-up had been practically perfect before she started avoiding him. Stolen kisses and the excitement of sneaking around with her were some of the best times of his life there in Hogwarts. He hadn’t had the Gryffindor courage to tell her how he really felt, but at least they shared intimate moments alone, away from prying eyes and judgemental stares. 

Instead, now he had taken to staring at her whenever he could, replaying all of their previous interactions to find out what went wrong between them. 

“Oi, quit staring at Y/N before McGonagall takes points from us for not paying attention to her,” George hastily whispered one day.

“I’m not doing anything wrong,” Fred defended, his eyes still locked on Y/N. She paid him no mind, unconsciously twirling the quill in her hands and chewing on her bottom lip. 

He thought she looked stunning. 

“I never thought I would say this,” George groaned softly, “But you’ve gotta listen in class right now or else we’ll lose even more points and everyone’ll be right chuffed. We can figure out your dumb bird problems after.” 

With a roll of his eyes, Fred finally brought his attention back to what their professor was going on about. He’d worry about whatever was going on with Y/N later. 

-

“I think it’s simple, really,” George shrugged, later on in the day when it was just the two of them in their dorm. He leant back against the headboard of his four-poster, an image of calm and nonchalance. 

“On with it then!” Fred exclaimed, the exact opposite of his twin at the moment. He fidgeted from his position on his own bed, his foot tapped anxiously on the hardwood floor and his hand kept running through his already disheveled hair. 

George couldn’t believe what he was seeing. His own twin, all out of balance because of some bird. 

But it wasn’t just any bird, he knew, it was Y/N. And if it had to be any bird in the whole school for Fred to become this mess of feelings and uncertainty, at least it was because of her. George always knew that their rivalry would either end in them realizing their feelings for each other or them hexing each other to death. 

“Grow some balls and just tell her how you feel, you daft git!” He exclaimed, humor sparkled in his eyes. 

“Be serious here, George,” Fred groaned and pushed his face against one of his pillows. 

His twin rolled his eyes, “I am being serious! It’s obvious she fancies the balls off of you, so just ask her out on a date or something and save us all from this awkward dance the lot of you have been doing for the past few weeks.” 

George’s words rang in Fred’s mind for longer than he liked to admit. 

One night, as dinner was coming to a close, he’d had enough. He spotted Y/N getting up from her seat at the Slytherin table and stood abruptly from his half finished meal. As she exited the Great Hall, he followed her out and into the drafty corridor.

“Y/N!” He yelled before he could stop himself. 

She paused briefly, shoulders tensing at his call to her. Instead of turning around though, she picked up her pace. 

Fred cursed softly, “Y/N, I know you can hear me!” 

As his legs were much longer than hers, he caught up to her quickly. Still, she paid him no mind and continued her on her way, “What’s got your wand all in a knot, Y/L/N?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Weasley.” Came her reply. 

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, Y/L/N,” He rolled his eyes, “You’ve been ignoring me recently and I can’t think of anything that I’ve done wrong.”

“I don’t know about you, but I’ve been actually paying attention to my classes and doing all of my coursework, that takes up most of my time these days.” She shrugged, turning a corner and continuing her fast pace, “And I’m not at your beck and call, Weasley. I’m not yours.” 

“You could be.” 

Y/N’s resolve seemed to be taken away with the tide as he muttered those words aloud. In fact, she was so shocked at what he said that she quite literally had to stop walking and merely stared at the redheaded boy. 

“Don’t be daft, Weasley.” She managed to choke out after a few beats. 

He turned to face her and Y/N had never seen him look so serious before. Fred was usually the louder twin, the more explosive one, the one who acted first and thought of the consequences later. But now, now she could see that he had nothing but genuine intentions as his eyes scanned her and gauged her reaction.

She huffed, unwilling to let her walls down for even a second. It was too frightening, telling the person she had spent much of her formative years rivalling with how she truly felt about them. In fact, despite her act, she couldn’t get it in her to look him in the eyes.

“This, whatever this is, you know that it isn’t a good idea.” She tried to argue, but as the words left her lips they seemed to carry no weight in them. 

“It’s a pretty good bad idea if you ask me.” He said with as much conviction as possible, “C’mon, Y/L/N, you gonna back down from a challenge?” 

That sparked a fire in her eyes that he had missed seeing, one that said she meant business, “I’ll say yes to you on one condition,” She said. 

“Anything.”

“Take me out on a date first.” 

[desruc]

OC questionare

24, 27, 32, 43, 44

24. If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why?

This is Mya, she owns a very cozy and pleasant tavern on this one island, and she often takes care of the bartending there. She is a very good listener and is excellent at giving wise and kind advice, and she always has a trusted pack of cards with ther - they're for playing games with the guests or for reading - like tarot-style. Mya has a gift of clairvoyance, and that makes her quite popular among the island's residents: she often helps people to make difficult decisions or finding answers to a big questions in life. Mya is friends with Therine's mother, and in my story Mya's tavern is kind of the first waypoint Therine is heading to with her crew in search of her mother. Later Mya's tavern become's Therine's crew's pit stop and they visit and hang around there often.

I'd love to meet Mya because I feel she has the most laid back and kind vibes out of all my characters :3 It would be so nice to spent a night in her tavern, hang around in the bar, get a "tarot" reading and taste her homemade wines :D

27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song?

Ain is Therine's old friend who she met as a kid in this hidden mountain temple, where they were getting some martial arts training and stuff :DD Ain is few years older than Therine, and she helped Therine to learn to utilise her agility and speed in fights (before that Therine was getting her ass kicked on the regular because she thought she'd have to beat this one bully up with her muscles alone. She was ((still is)) a hard headed kid). Ain's family is very secretive because almost all the family members are either mercenaries or assassins, and unfortunately there's this one asshole who has the whole family in a chokehold and coerces them to work for him. This is Ain's destiny as well, but she learns this after she returns to her family from the temple. Years later, Ain's and Therine's paths cross again, and Therine learns the hellish situation Ain's family is and has been in for years. Therine, of course, offers her help.

Ain's character is Heavily inspired by Assassin's Creed (:'D) but I believe the track I listened a lot when I first came up with her backstory was Swedish House Mafia's Greyhound :DDD I still imagine her running away from her chasers on rooftops and finally making a very cool jump into a dark water and escaping when I'm listening to Greyhound :DD

32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why?

Rob. He's the fastest damn runner (okay, might be tied with Ain actually) I've written, and I think he might be the most suitable horror game protagonist because rather than fucking around and finding out he prefers to just. Fucking off. So his survival estimate is pretty high! I also love to put him in Situations so seeing him having a bad time is very entertaining to me. I feel my most pathetic boi (him) deserves the most terrifying struggles :3c

Rob is a part of the same pirate crew as Jared, and the two actally get along pretty well. Rob is pretty quiet, and he has this dry and nihilistic kind of sense of humour and he is very liked member of the pirate crew - but he also has a bit of a drinking problem and he often withdraws from other's company and wanders off when they're anchored and visiting land. This leads to some serious problems, when drunken Rob once bumps into a certain bounty hunter crew.

43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess

Ohh do I :::D I love messy hair, over expressive & very visible eyebrows, tired eyes, stubble, long necks, long limbs, and long fingers on my characters :DD And yeah I confess, I love drawing shirtless, wiry dudes - I should draw beefier and softer characters more, because I have them, too!

44. Something you like about your OCs in general

I like that I've managed to create a horde of characters - and to me, they all feel different, they all have their own personalities :3 Many of them have been around for years now, too, and I feel like they've all grown and evolved a lot. I wish that some day I could bring them all out as a part of coherent and enjoyable story - or stories c:

Thank you so much for the ask @jayjay-667! :') 💕💕

[cotccotc]

☾ *  ゜𝟭:𝟰𝟮 𝗮𝗺  | "𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘦?"

set in the domus amoris universe !

genre/s: fluff/romance, established relationship au, hyunjin x gn reader

warning/s: suggestive..? i guess?

wc: ~840

a/n: don’t look at me i’m simping shhhh also i’m probably gonna cringe at this later but i hope you enjoy lol

☾ *  ゜・．

“you like them a lot, don’t you?” he asks you. it’s as close to a whisper as he can muster, though an undertone of low, raspy sleepiness just nearly pokes through. you’re tracing shapes along the curves of his arm, humming a soft song as your body lulls itself to sleep. his hand is attached to your waist, rubbing the slowest, barely-there circles into the fabric of your t-shirt with the pad of his thumb.

“hm?” you reply groggily, continuing your fluttery movements against hyunjin’s skin, illuminated by the moonlight seeping through the blinds. the stripes of light cast a hazy, blue-tinted glow over the whole room. your eyes are struggling to keep themselves open, but their focus on the toned slopes of muscle underneath your fingertips never wavers.

“my arms. you seem to like them.” he slips the other arm under the pillow on which his head rests. he smiles. you aren’t paying attention, but hyunjin’s eyes haven’t left your face since you laid down tonight. 

you pause, opting to skim the tips of your middle and ring finger up from his wrist to his shoulder in one long, smooth motion. “i like everything about you,” you admit, finally meeting his gaze. sure enough, the light of the moon takes up everlasting residence in his irises. if you didn’t know it any better, you’d assume that mother nature had hand-plucked her most lustrous stars and placed them carefully inside the deep, vast universe contained in his pupils.

he shifts closer to you, taking more of you in his grasp and repositioning his soft caresses to the small of your back. you place your hand on the side of his face; your thumb brushes gently over his cheekbone as you tuck the lingering strands of his satiny silver hair behind his ear with your index finger. “everything about me?” he asks in response. you nod. yet, he’s not entirely convinced. no matter how many times you reassure him - hold him, compliment him, profess your affections - hyunjin never seems able to fully accept the fact that you are totally, undeniably, sometimes edging on embarrassingly his. only his.

he savors your touch, blinking his eyes closed. then, after staying like this for a moment, he takes your hand and moves it behind his head as he leans into your face, latching his lips onto yours. your eyes flutter shut as you kiss him back, delighting in the sweet taste and lush softness of his lips while your fingers brush themselves through his hair. every time feels like the first. the way he guides the intertwining of your bodies and the flow of the kiss feels almost heavenly. maybe that’s what’s trickling through the window pane; heaven’s knowing glisten. 

once you both break away with a subtle sound of detachment, you slowly open your eyes. “you promise?” hyunjin asks. he places a few extra kisses upon your jaw, ambling silently down to your neck.

instead of answering his question, you wrap your leg around his body, raising yourself to straddle his waist despite your fatigue. he welcomes your position, his hands traveling from your thighs to your hips as you lean down to kiss him again. deeper, closer, more intimate - never straying away from angelic; your hands cupping the sides of his face as you absorb each other’s presence…

you withdraw from his lips once again, wrapping your arms around him. he does the same, solidifying a tight hold around your body. “i do,” you murmur. he breathes deeply, inhaling your scent as if it’s the last time he’ll ever get to relish in its presence. yet, he then takes you in his arms and gently rolls the two of you over until you’re resting on your back, looking up at him with wonder. the tips of his silky hair tickle your cheek as he rests his arms carefully on either side of you. butterflies form in your stomach once you observe the way they tense up in your peripheral vision. you really do mean what you’d said.

“forever?” he blinks, his glossy, tired eyes darting between yours in search of the same galaxy you’d gotten the pleasure of witnessing in his.

“forever,” you respond, prophetically and absolutely.

hyunjin relaxes, carefully laying upon you with his head placed in the crook of your neck, aligned with the spot he’d kissed so delicately moments prior. he does so once again, taking care not to leave any marks. as he drapes his arm across your waist, you ask, “you like it a lot, don’t you?”

he lets out a breathy giggle. “your neck?”

“mhm.”

“i do. i like everything about you,” he whispers in return before tending to your jaw once again. eventually, as your eyes come to a final close for the night, so do his. yet, nevertheless, the moon and the stars prevail, gleaming on the two lovers whose hearts lay still and full under their gaze. i hope you dream about me, hyunjin thinks. i hope you always dream about me...

☾ *  ゜・．

tags: @magglesx, @crscendoforsung, @stayndays, @hanniiesuckle17, @leggomylino, @freckledberries, @pixielix, @skzctnightnight, @nafnifnice-archive, @childofthecosmos, @changbinniee​, @kpopscape​, @skzwriternet (send a 🍓 in my ask box to be added for skz !)

©️ cotccotc 2020 ~ all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[a-moth-to-the-light]

Songs of the Summer, 2022: Introduction

Even if we just think about music, a whole lot happened this summer. My Summer of 2022 playlist is actually divided into two parts, light & fluffy and dark & intense, to account for the wide variety of songs that caught my attention, and it took me a whole month after its release to finally listen to MUNA's new album, even though I've been a huge fan of theirs for years. (In the same vein, I still haven't had the time to listen to Key's album--there have been too many exciting releases for me to keep up with, INCLUDING A NEW CREEPY NUTS ALBUM OHMYGOD AND LUCYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, and with this fall promising more new songs from Dayglow, who made my second-favorite album of 2021, I really don't know how I'll manage to process everything!)

This list includes 25 songs (and 3 honorable mentions) released between June 1 & August 31. I could have started the timeline with the day after my high school graduation in mid-June, but given the amount of amazing June releases that came out before then, I felt justified in fudging the dates a bit and just working with the generally accepted summer months.

As I stare, eyes glazed over, at the wall full of sticky notes I call my Songs of the Summer list, I'm having a really hard time finding a theme for it--there's a lot of dance music, but it's me here, after all, so that's not really news. Maybe the most interesting part is the variety of sounds and moods featured--my top two choices surprise even me with how frequently I listen to them, because they're quite far outside of the tastes I've established for myself in the past year or so.

I tend to blame this on my increasingly frequent habit of writing--the promise of jotting down my thoughts after listening to a new release, of perhaps writing a post about those thoughts one day, makes me far more curious about new music and willing to give it a full listen-through. It definitely helps that the better I get at articulating what I appreciate about my favorite pieces of music, the better I get at identifying those elements in other tracks, too, making songs instantly more familiar and far less tiring to absorb into my mental canon, no matter how new the genre is to me.

It also comes down to experience, I think--I only got really invested in the world of music in late 2019, and as the years have gone by, I find more and more jumping-off points through which to explore songs I never would have heard of if I were still my old self. For example, Garnidelia's lush pop music was exactly in my comfort zone when I first became obsessed with their music in 2020, but their rock tracks eventually led me to Aimer, who prepared me to love the j-rock bands that keep showing up on these lists.

As eclectic as this list is, each song on it summons equally strong visions of a busy summer that surprised me with how pleasant it was. Transitioning from hospitalization to college life, I needed music that kept me from disappearing too far into the past or the future, that allowed me to be awake and peaceful during seemingly endless preparations (and, as you'll see, my top choice definitely kept me awake). Come what may, these songs say. Today, the way it is, is enough for me.

[check back here for links to each entry as i post them!]

songs that grew on me